My Thoughts On Facebook Polls/Quizzes
We’ve all seen them - People who for some reason think it’s acceptable to take part in these god-awful, news feed filling, mind-numbing, anger inducing quizzes. Or polls. Or whatever the hell they are. The terminology really doesn’t matter to me. What I’m writing about today has a simple premise - I’ve spent weeks collecting the best (and by best, I obviously mean most moronic) examples of this phenomenon that manages to continually aggravate me. I’m going to do two things with these examples - 1. Explain why it sucks, and 2. Examine how it could be better. Without further adieu, we begin with the subject of tattoos. A touchy subject for many. I’m just going to throw it out there - Not a fan. If you are, you probably won’t like this.
Why it sucks - Simple. This quiz is about tattoos, with a suggested result of a tribal tattoo. News flash - If you desparately want a tribal tattoo or a tattoo with some asian symbol, You aren’t unique, you aren’t a trendsetter, and you aren’t in touch with yourself. You are just a moron, and Boulder would be a good fit for you. So go getcha some tight ass black jeans, a stylin’ neon tank top, and a styled mullet with cat claws shaved into your sideburns and move out here.
How to make it better - No matter how you respond to the quiz, make it so the suggested result is a giant penis tattoo. No matter what. It should read - “You should get a giant penis tattoo. You’re a tool for taking a quiz about what kind of tattoo to get and spreading your diarrhea on everyone’s news feed. Therefore you’re a unique and bold individual that should rock a giant penis tattoo. The ideal location for your bold and brazen penis tattoo is on your forehead. Trust us, we’re the internet. ”
Why it sucks - Two reasons, 1. Dylan took it. 2. The picture of the dude without a shirt on sporting an unzipped leather jacket with a popped collar. I mean, really? Is that really a giant ‘M’ over the dudes crotch? If it were to be accurate for most people around my age, looking back to high school, it would show a pimply tough guy with a solid blue shirt on with a ginormous Abercrombie logo(s) plastered all over the place. And scattered patches of facial hair, at best. And maybe hair sopped with half a bottle of hair gel. And maybe some brown Doc Marten shoes. And Lucky jeans. Luck you, indeed.
Thanks Dylan, from the bottom of my heart, for taking the time to let us know that you were the ‘Stud’ in high school, and that all the guys envied you, and you scored all the hottest chicks. At Brown County High School. Still love you though. Besides, we all know you manipulated the results to achieve such a moniker.
How to make it better - This one is pretty simple. Crop and replace the current results image with something more appropriate:
Boom. Better.
Why it sucks - This actually, in fact, doesn’t suck. It is just awesome. So awesome that it warrants two pictures side-by-side of ‘The Intimidator’ (yes, I had to Google ol’ Dale Sr. to find his nickname. Knew it started with an ‘I’ though!)
How to make it better - I’ve got nothing here. I’ve re-wrote this part 4 times already. There’s too many things wrong with a quiz on Facebook about fucking NASCAR auto racing for me to even wrap my head around. Fuck NASCAR.
I have collected many more, maybe I’ll do a part two next week. Don’t count on it.
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6 Responses to “My Thoughts On Facebook Polls/Quizzes”
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You sound mad, you should go puch some babies to take your mind off it.
Haha I am indeed mad Phir … If only you were normal like everyone else and was on the Facebooks you would understand
Your post renforces why I never want to set foot in the sticky hell that is facebook.
By the way I am looking to buy 12 pairs of crotchless panties, any idea where I could find something like that?
Funny, my dog specializes in such things, a steal at $250 each
Love the new blog. By the way, why is the name on first and last quiz blacked out, but not the middle one? Did you take the first quiz and get pissed that it didn’t suggest that you get a giant penis tattoo? Or were you disappointed with the results of the last quiz because you have a secret man crush on Jimmy Johnson?
I like your style